Talking about alcohol is like talking about money. It’s a sensitive issue that can often be veiled in secrecy. People don’t find it easy to talk about either and in terms of drink they can often feel judged by the amount that they drink and often that judgement can come first from themselves. So it’s often easier to make light of it and joke around with a wink and a nudge at how funny it all is (ignoring the obvious fact that it’s probably destroying their health and will rob them of their future happiness, but shhh don’t say that …. we definitely DON’T want to say that, right?). We’re surrounded by so many images in society that paint a somewhat romantic view of alcohol. TV and social media adverts displaying perfect people in perfect lifestyles, ending their busy days with a perfect glass of alcohol, in a perfect setting. When we’re not in lockdown … the supermarkets are packed solid with rows and rows of alcohol; restaurants, hotels and bars have lush displays of alcohol and even airports are tastefully dressed with arrays of alcohol luring us into this false sense of fulfilment after a hard days work or a difficult experience. I mean seriously?? How is anyone meant to view alcohol other than it is a well dressed friend who is just there to support us on this journey we call life? But isn’t it true that not all of our friends are helpful? Not all of our friends are our real friends ~ in fact some of our friends are simply NOT GOOD FOR US!

I’m not wanting to burst your bubble, BUT, let’s not forget that alcohol has a huge economic impact on a country and in the UK alone it contributes around 46 BILLION a year!! So of course it is going to be EVERYWHERE ~ and it’s going to be dressed up in an attractive way and stand on street corners waving it’s pretty little hand saying “I can meet your needs, so choose me” . That sounded sleazy, and I meant it to! Sometimes we need to realise that we’re actually being sucked in to something that can cause us more damage than good and that we’re not just weak or bad people who have no will-power! So, I called this blog …

Alcohol … help or a hindrance?

Let’s look at the word hindrance for a minute …

The state of being interfered with, held back, or slowed down … something that makes it more difficult for you to do something or for something to develop

Is that how you feel having this friend called alcohol in your life? Hindered? Interfered with? Held back? Let me be transparent and say that I’ve struggled with the feeling of needing to have that drink in the evening on many an occasion and I’ve often succumbed to the temptation, but realising it was doing more harm than good I had long periods of sobriety. Which, if I’m honest, was not easy to achieve at the beginning. In the past I’ve struggled to become disentangled from the daily habit of needing to have a drink at the end of the day and convinced myself that I don’t really need it and I could easily NOT have it BUT then under that comfortable heading of “I could easily not have it” I have convinced myself that I am therefore now ok to have it, knowing that I don’t really need to have it!! Sounds convoluted right? That’s how it works. It plays all kinds of mind games with you to get you to still choose to take that drink. It’s like you’ve awoken an animal that seemed like a friendly little animal at first, and naturally, you need to feed it every day and whilst you’re feeding it, it is a very friendly animal (albeit it dragging at your heals and stopping you from getting on with your life at times). But when you stop feeding it and it feels the pain of imminent death then it starts to panic and will say and do ANYTHING to get you to feed it again ~ and it does right? You feel helpless to get free from under it and quite frankly wish you’d never invited it into your life as you realise that pets/animals are not just for Christmas!!!

Now I can enjoy a glass of red wine on occasion or a Guinness in the summer but I’m always aware of the slippery slope so have to make conscious decisions and be honest with myself. Many people live in denial, constantly denying having a problem because of shame, guilt ~ helplessness to know what to do about it. Many people genuinely don’t have a problem with alcohol and that’s great ~ I’m genuinely happy for you! But for those of you who have that whisper in your ear that is trying to get your attention, take a moment to reflect and think carefully about whether you are being helped or hindered and then, without judgement on yourself, find some support. I’m not talking about AA as such, as although they have helped many people over the years and continue to do so, I don’t think it’s always helpful to identify with something that locks you into a lifestyle with that sense of continued self deprivation. That sense of …

“I have been without alcohol for 363 days and it’s been so difficult and I’m so unhappy about it, I feel like I’m missing out on life and wish I could have a normal life like my friends but sadly I’m destined to live this sad existence without alcohol” type narrative.

I’m not trying to upset anyone who feels this way and again, I’m not saying that organisations like AA are not helpful, as they have been a lifeline to so many and will continue to be so, as some have severe addiction to alcohol and need specific treatment and support. But for many there is a place of contentment between sobriety and freedom that can be achieved. A place where you enjoy life with or without alcohol does exist. It’s not either/ or!

I’m aware that this is a sensitive area and many might feel annoyed simply reading this. If you do then maybe ask yourself why you’re feeling annoyed and listen carefully to how you answer. Be honest with yourself and listen ~ if you’re feeling stuck in an unhelpful pattern of behaviour and your relationship with alcohol is not where you want it to be then be honest with yourself. You may as well as be as it won’t just be hurting you it often hurts those you are closest to eventually. I’m not trying to add guilt to the issue ~ I’ve said before in previous blogs, we’re not inviting guilt or shame on this journey!

I’ve helped others with various levels of alcohol issues so if you do need help then just reach out and I will, of course, be confidential. During this pandemic we need to be kind to ourselves and realise that finding ways to cope with all that’s going on is normal and whether the way is healthy or not is a normal response to how we’re feeling. Whenever we drink, smoke, overeat etc it is meeting a need within us. Sometimes we need to find healthier ways to meet the need, and that’s ok!

Reach out to me if you need me and we can Zoom chat.

Many blessings and I’ll see you next week, Sam x